Polysecure: A Guide to Healthy Polyamory

Polysecure is a book by Jessica Fern that explores the intersection of attachment theory, trauma, and consensual nonmonogamy. Fern argues that our attachment styles, which are formed in our early relationships with our caregivers, play a significant role in our ability to thrive in polyamorous relationships. She also discusses how trauma can impact our ability to trust and feel secure in our relationships.

Attachment Theory

Attachment theory is a psychological theory that explains how our early relationships with our caregivers shape our adult relationships. There are four main attachment styles: secure, dismissive, preoccupied, and fearful.

• Secure: People with a secure attachment style feel safe and comfortable in their relationships. They are able to trust their partners and feel secure in their love.

• Dismissive: People with a dismissive attachment style tend to push away their partners and avoid intimacy. They may be afraid of getting hurt and may not believe that they deserve love.

• Preoccupied: People with a preoccupied attachment style tend to be clingy and demanding in their relationships. They may be afraid of abandonment and may need a lot of reassurance from their partners.

• Fearful: People with a fearful attachment style are both avoidant and anxious in their relationships. They may want intimacy but be afraid of getting hurt.

Trauma and Polyamory

Trauma can also impact our ability to thrive in polyamorous relationships. If we have experienced trauma in our past, we may have difficulty trusting our partners or feeling secure in our relationships. We may also be more likely to experience jealousy or anxiety.

Polysecure

Polysecure offers a framework for understanding how attachment theory and trauma can impact our ability to thrive in polyamorous relationships. Fern argues that we can become more polysecure by working on our attachment wounds and developing a secure attachment style. She also offers specific tools and exercises to help us do this.

Conclusion

Polysecure is a valuable resource for anyone who is interested in polyamory. It provides a deep understanding of the psychological factors that can impact our ability to thrive in polyamorous relationships. Fern's framework offers a roadmap for healing our attachment wounds and developing a secure attachment style.

Resources

• Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma, and Consensual Nonmonogamy by Jessica Fern

• The Polyamory Toolkit by The Polyamorous Education Network

• The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities by Janet Hardy and Dossie Easton

• More Than Two: A Practical Guide to Polyamory by Franklin Veaux and Eve Rickert

• Polyamory in the 21st Century: Love and Intimacy Beyond Monogamy by Tristan Taormino